STRESS – LESS – Part 2
How to negotiate stress out of your relationships
Steve and Brenda Lummer
The greatest single source of stress in our lives is when we try to live our lives apart from the one who made us. This Sunday morning we begin looking at how to stressLESS.
Here is Stress -Less part two “How to Negotiate Stress Out Of Your Relationships.
1. WHAT GOES WRONG?
Stages of Love:
Be careful what you get attached to.
“Conflict Resolution Reduces Stress in Relationships” – Brenda Lummer
The six interpretations of spoken communication are:
1. What the speaker intended to say.
2. What the speaker actually said.
3. What the speaker thought he or she said.
4. What the hearer needed to hear.
5. What the hearer actually heard.
6. What the hearer thought he or she heard.
1. Conflict Resolution Requires Listening:
*Empathic listening seeks to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. It is trying to see the world from their perspective.
(Too many couples only listen to reload their verbal guns)
How To Be An Empathic Listener:
1. Affirm the importance of your relationship. Love conquers all.
*Choosing to lovingly affirm your relationship forces you to listen. Not listening than you are arguing.
* When you feel loved you feel heard
*Average person listens only 17 seconds before interrupting
* Agree on a time limit for each one to speak
2. Clarify What You Heard.
*Classic technique-repeat back what you think you heard with no judgements on the info
3. Give Your Partner Undivided Attention HUGE.
*Giving undivided attention communicates the relationship is important to you.
*Body language must communicate undivided attention.
*Listening while doing something else says “ You are one of my many interests”.
4. Share Your Ideas Only After Your Partner FEELS Heard.
*Listen for as long as your partner has something to say.
*Only share your perspective after the other feels heard and understood-when you respond too quickly you usually responds to the wrong issue.
2. Conflict Resolution Requires Understanding.
*Know what your partner is really saying.
*”Hear” your partner’s feelings.
*Discover what is truly important to your partner and why.
*Determine how strongly they feel about their perspective.
Face your FAULTS COLLECTIVELY remember you are on the same TEAM.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me…” Psalm 139.23-24a
“Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James, 5.16
Fulfill your PARTNERS NEEDS .
“The man should fulfill his duty as a husband and the woman should fulfill her duty as a wife. and each should satisfy the other’s needs.” 1 Corinthians 7.3
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
Be UNDERSTANDING , not demanding.
“You husbands should try to understand the wife you live with…” 1 Peter 3.7
Enlist SUPPORT from others.
“Get all the advice and instruction you can.” Proverbs 19.20 (New Living Translation)
Get plugged into a GOD POWERED RELATIONSHIP.