church family, family, Just sayin', marriage, Ministry



I just wanted to finish up part two of this blog post on “Negotiating Change with people you care about”

In Bren’s class she is teaching on ways in which we can bring about meaningful and lasting change with people we care about and love the most.

Here are some brief bullet points to negotiating change.

1. Start at the right place.

The first place to start is to YANK THE PLANK out of our own eyes before we attempt to “fix” someone else.

Jesus tells us to start with ourselves ″Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5

2. Resource and understand the power of love.

Here are the five love languages Brenda has taught from Gary Chapman’s book the Five Love Languages.

Receiving gifts

These are visual or tangible symbols of love (presents and gifts).

Acts of service

Doing things for the other such as chores or other caring acts performed out of love not duty.

Quality time

Focusing energy and attention on the other through conversation and showing interest in each other.

Words of affirmation

Expressing love through compliments, praise and encouragement.

Physical touch

Not only sex but holding hands, stroking, hugging, sitting next to each other.

3. Develop healthy communication skills.

Remember, the six interpretations of spoken communication are:

1. What the speaker intended to say.

2. What the speaker actually said.

3. What the speaker thought he or she said.

4. What the hearer needed to hear.

5. What the hearer actually heard.

6. What the hearer thought he or she heard.

4. Timing is almost everything.Husbands really do not prefer a “honey do” list right as they walk in the door after work and wives would appreciate some eye contact and timing.

Just one more note regarding negotiating change with people.

Did you notice this week that we have decided as a nation to send 30,000 troops to another country to engage in more war?

Yep, the issue of war is all about not being able to negotiate change globally, regionally and anywhere else there are at least two people close to each other.

Here is a pretty cool 2000 year old text from Jesus half brother James that speaks right to the issue of why we can’t get along with one another both domestically and globally.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. … “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble….Come near to God and he will come near to you.” – James 4:1- 10

Jesus and James must have had a pretty sweet family.


3 thoughts on “YANK THE PLANK

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s