marriage, Ministry

OOPS…I DATED JECKYLL …BUT MARRIED HYDE

Just wanted to post these teaching outlines from our Pure Sex Series Brenda and did together a while ago – Stuff is too good to stay in a three ring binder.

OOPS…I DATED JECKYLL …BUT MARRIED HYDE
Pastor STEVE and BRENDA LUMMER
pure sex series

Duet. 22:9,10,11 Do not plant two kinds of seed in your vineyard; if you do, not only the crops you plant but also the fruit of the vineyard will be defiled. 10 Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.
11 Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together.

1. WHAT GOES WRONG?
Stages of Love:
1.  ATTRACTION
2. INFATUATION
3. ATTACHMENT
Be careful what you get attached to

2. WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE?
Some go…     Some stay…   Some find another way…

3. CREATING THE RIGHT MARRIAGE

Face your    FAULTS COLLECTIVELY      remember you are on the same TEAM.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me…” Psalm 139.23-24a
“Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James, 5.16

Fulfill your   SPOUSES NEEDS     .
“The man should fulfill his duty as a husband and the woman should fulfill her duty as a wife. and each should satisfy the other’s needs.”  1 Corinthians 7.3
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

Be   UNDERSTANDING   , not demanding.
“You husbands should try to understand the wife you live with…”  1 Peter 3.7

Enlist    SUPPORT     from others.
“Get all the advice and instruction you can.”  Proverbs 19.20 (New Living Translation)

Get plugged into a    GOD POWERED   marriage.

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Just sayin', marriage, Ministry

RELATIONSHIPS OR RELATIONSLIPS?

Have you ever met someone that is so smart or opinionated you can’t get close to them?

Someone so brilliant or so set in THEIR way that not even God is allowed into their world?

I have a personal theory as to why some people cannot stay in a long term relationship.

It might be that selfishness is in the way of allowing others to be included… (Ya think?)

If we have no room for God in our lives, we most likely at some point will not allow anyone else in our lives either.
Here is a diagram that I drew on a napkin for someone once to help explain how every relationship we have here on earth has to be a “relationship triangle” or it won’t work. This applies to every relationship; husband & wife, boyfriend & girlfriend, parent & child, brother & sister, etc. No matter how hard you try to get close to each other, you will never get closer than the opposite sides of the wall that divides you. The only way to get truly close to each other is if each person in the relationship is focusing on their personal relationship with God. As you both grow closer to God, you will both grow closer to each other.

The closer each person is to God, the closer they get to each other.

The further away each person is from God the further away they get from each other.

God has a way of ridding us of selfishness and therefore we become more compassionate  of the differences in the people we have in our lives.

A real smart guy said it this way. “My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.” –

  • “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”
  • “I want to know God’s thoughts; the rest are details.”

Albert Einstein

Just sayin.

Steve

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marriage

LONGTERM LIFETIME LOVE

What do you do to celebrate 30 years of marriage? – Of course, write a blog.

Actually Bren and I had a nice quit dinner at home out on the deck and then just enjoyed being home tonight.

I just wanted to post a few pics and then add a few comments about marriage and then end off the blog tonight with a prayer that worked.


In discussing marriage on his TV sitcom, Jerry Seinfeld tells his friend why he’s not married: “No healthy person would want the neglect I have to offer.” Let’s face it, even the best marriages are made up of two imperfect people who sometimes neglect each other. And when you’ve been hurt it’s easy to react in the flesh instead of responding in the Spirit. Some hurts go deep. At this point we must remember that
forgiveness is a decision, but trust is a process; when it’s been torn down, it takes time to rebuild. Men and women often perceive trust differently. When a woman’s been hurt, her husband may think an apology
should immediately enable her to trust him again, move on, and not talk about it. That’s not so; two things need to happen first:

1. The offending partner needs to acknowledge what they’ve done. Don’t just tell your mate to “get over it.” Validate their feelings, even though they act like they don’t want you to. Acknowledge their pain.
When others rationalize or trivialize what’s hurting us, it only makes us angrier. Only when we feel validated do our wounds begin to heal.

2.The offended partner needs to make sure that bitterness doesn’t creep in. “How can I do that?” you ask. By refusing to stay hurt any longer than is absolutely necessary, and by allowing God to heal your
heart and restore your love. The Bible says, “If you hear his voice today, don’t be stubborn” (Heb 4:7 CEV). When God gives you the grace to forgive and release the hurt, you need to seize it!

My grandfather performed part of our ceremony back on August 9th 1980. Fortunately we have a cassette tape of the words he prayed over our marriage and I have typed them out for a reminder that his prayer worked.

(click on the prayer pic to enlarge it)

What an amazing 30 years of partnership and love with an amazing woman. Bren makes my goal of ONE LIFE ONE WIFE very easy to attain.  She is one of a kind and the world would be so much better off if we had  more women around just like her.

I am very grateful for a life partner that is an example of excellence in so many ways.

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marriage, outdoors, Travel

30th Wedding Anniversary

I just wanted to post a” few” pics of our 30th wedding anniversary trip to Northern California.

We stayed in Truckee thanks to Roberto and Pam C.

Here is a brief look at our little get away trip.

Truckee is a little mountain town just north of Lake Tahoe.

We actually lived in that area back in the early 1980’s for a brief time.

We were youth pastor’s at Bethel Church in Grass Valley California for all of 16weeks. – (man that was a lesson).

The Yuba River is were we would go on our days off to swim and play. When Caleb was about 9 months old, Brenda would find gold dust in his diaper. Wow, that is when I started volunteering to change diapers.

My cousin Pam and her awesome husband Robert allowed us to stay in their cabin in Truckee. What a great place to relax and vegg.

Navada City is a classic Northern Cali Gold mining town.

Brenda and I loved riding the mountain bikes along the Truckee River….the beauty cannot be captured on a camera.

This is one of my favorite pics of my awesome wife.

If ever in Truckee you will not want to miss Jax Truckee Diner. – Great food all day long!

Emerald Bay on Lake Tahoe is breath taking to see. It is one of the main attractions when you go to Tahoe.

Yes, this is a nature not man made lake…..God does it better every time.

Now to the gift of the Truckee River .

This stream is THE tributary that flows out of Lake Tahoe.

63 tributary’s flow in and one flows out….The Truckee is amazing.

Rafting the Truckee is a “do over” for us next year…absolute blast.

Our 30 years of marriage has been an amazing journey. I am so fortunate to have a soul partner in Brenda…as you know, without Bren, I would be living in a van down by the river…..My parents modeled marriage for Brenda and I …They held the standard that we look up to..I think that is the way it should be.

My motto has become; “One life, one wife…make it great!”

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family, marriage

55 AND ALIVE

Today is April 9th and it is Spring.

Spring to many of us  means life and a new day ..Spring and “springtime” refer to the season, and broadly to ideas of rebirth, renewal and regrowth.

Today my parents celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary.

This morning I called them to wish them and congratulate them on 55 years of a living and thriving marriage together.

I love life, I love living things and I love watching thriving marriages.

It is an amazing legacy to have two parents that have an amazing portrait of a living marriage for all of us to see.

Happy 55th mom and dad you are amazing.

Steve

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family, Just sayin', Life experiences, marriage

Baking on a Stone

The other day Brenda and I went treasure hunting at the goodwill here in Prescott.
She walked out with a smile saying that she hit the jackpot by finding a pampered chef pizza stone for three bucks.
We couldn’t wait to get the ingredients and try it out.
Baking on stoneware is one of the oldest methods around and yet is still virtually unknown. Stoneware has been used in bakeries and pizzerias for years and now we brought the art into our home. There are many advantages to stones.

Baking stones and bricks produce an even amount of heat throughout the stone so you won’t burn the edges while leaving the middle raw. They wick moisture away from the surface as well, always leaving your pizzas, cookies and bread a perfect golden brown. The stones retain the heat, keeping your food warm longer than your normal metal pans.
I have got to say that this was the best home made pizza Brenda has made in 30 years of amazing marriage.
We are sold on stone.. maybe someday we will go for the brick oven.

Steve is happy 🙂

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family, marriage

MENDING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

MENDING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
Pastor Steve and Brenda Lummer

“It’s better to eat soup with someone you love than steak with someone you hate” Proverbs 15.17 (Living Bible)

Opposites attract but only up to a point.  One of the main reasons many couples break up is that they have not enough in common. This can happen early in a marriage or even sometimes, as it seems recently in growing numbers, after the children have moved out of home. Couples find they have nothing in common. Nothing left to talk about.

1. ARE RELATIONAL DEATHS PREDICTABLE?

RESENTMENT brings relational deaths
“… remembering wrongs can break up a friendship.” Proverbs 17.9 (Good News)

RETALIATION brings relational deaths
“Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone…” Leviticus 19.18 (New Living Translation)

RESIGNATION brings relational deaths
“Someone who holds back the truth causes trouble, but one who openly criticizes works for peace. Proverbs 10.10 (Good News)

2. ARE RELATIONAL RESURRECTIONS POSSIBLE?
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12.18
Forgiveness takes ONE – Reconciliation takes TWO.

3. HOW GOD DEALS WITH RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5.18-19

What God Reveals:
* Stop USING YOURSELF AS A FRAME OF REFERENCE.
* Start ASKING GOD TO HELP ME SEE THEM AS THEY ARE..
“We are not fighting against human beings, but against wicked spiritual forces…” Ephesians 6.12 (Good News)

What God Requires:
* Stop RESENTING THE WAY THINGS ARE.
* Start FORGIVE THE WAYS THINGS HAVE BEEN.
“Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”  Colossians 3.13

How God Restores
* Stop FANTASIZING ABOUT THE FUTURE.
* Start ACTING IN LOVING WAYS.
“…Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6.27-28

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family, marriage

TWO ARTIST ONE PAINTING

Are you as a couple working toward a portrait of what your lives will look like in 20 years….or are you on separate paths?

This is a great little message that will help you as a couple in the University of Marriage paint one portrait throughout your lives.

“a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”   Genesis 2:21 (NIV)

1. MARRIAGE MYTHS.

1. Marriage will meet ALL MY NEEDS.

2. Marriage will end my LONELINESS.

3. Marriage will heal my BROKENNESS .

4. Marriage will ensure my HAPPINESS.

2. WHAT A STRONG MARRIAGE LOOKS LIKE.

Six “Cs” you can see in a strong marriage

1. Commitment     2. Communication     3. Compatibility

4. Control     5. Consideration      6. Coping Skills

3. HOW TO BUILD A HEALTHY MARRIAGE.

Learn to LOVE.

“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents… Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us, but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.” Ephesians 5.1-2 (The Message)

Practice FORGIVENESS.

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3.14

Accentuate the POSITIVE.

“Finally, brother, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4.8

Place yourself in SUBMISSION.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5.21

4. Keep at IT  –   keep at IT  –  Keep at IT.

Keep painting the portrait of your lives together…Keep the colors flowing and keep the passion growing.

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marriage

MARRIAGE MATTERS FACEBOOK GROUP

Just wanted to send out this blog post and let everyone know we have started a Marriage Matters Facebook page.

Just go to facebook and type in Prescott First Assembly Marriage Matters.

What a great way to stay connected, share stories and resources with friends.

here is the link in case you are interested.

http://www.facebook.com

http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=tim+black&init=quick#/group.php?gid=118100244949&ref=ts

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church family, family, Just sayin', marriage, Ministry

YANK THE PLANK

PLANK EYE REVISITED

I just wanted to finish up part two of this blog post on “Negotiating Change with people you care about”

In Bren’s class she is teaching on ways in which we can bring about meaningful and lasting change with people we care about and love the most.

Here are some brief bullet points to negotiating change.

1. Start at the right place.

The first place to start is to YANK THE PLANK out of our own eyes before we attempt to “fix” someone else.

Jesus tells us to start with ourselves ″Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5

2. Resource and understand the power of love.

Here are the five love languages Brenda has taught from Gary Chapman’s book the Five Love Languages.

Receiving gifts

These are visual or tangible symbols of love (presents and gifts).

Acts of service

Doing things for the other such as chores or other caring acts performed out of love not duty.

Quality time

Focusing energy and attention on the other through conversation and showing interest in each other.

Words of affirmation

Expressing love through compliments, praise and encouragement.

Physical touch

Not only sex but holding hands, stroking, hugging, sitting next to each other.

3. Develop healthy communication skills.

Remember, the six interpretations of spoken communication are:

1. What the speaker intended to say.

2. What the speaker actually said.

3. What the speaker thought he or she said.

4. What the hearer needed to hear.

5. What the hearer actually heard.

6. What the hearer thought he or she heard.

4. Timing is almost everything.Husbands really do not prefer a “honey do” list right as they walk in the door after work and wives would appreciate some eye contact and timing.

Just one more note regarding negotiating change with people.

Did you notice this week that we have decided as a nation to send 30,000 troops to another country to engage in more war?

Yep, the issue of war is all about not being able to negotiate change globally, regionally and anywhere else there are at least two people close to each other.

Here is a pretty cool 2000 year old text from Jesus half brother James that speaks right to the issue of why we can’t get along with one another both domestically and globally.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. … “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble….Come near to God and he will come near to you.” – James 4:1- 10

Jesus and James must have had a pretty sweet family.

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